ShakesBeer

Welcome to my Shakespeare themed brewery

“If you could be doing anything else, what would it be?” It’s a question that often comes up over drinks with friends, or after a show… what are the alternate paths we could have taken, the jobs we could have that would still make us happy. Some people loved science as a kid. Some might want to teach. Maybe become a pilot. But I always have an answer: I would have loved to open a brewery. In part because I love beer, but in even bigger part because I would be able to come up with a bunch of puns to name the beers.

So what else is Substack for? This week I present to you the menu from my imagined Shakespeare themed brewery: ShakesBeer.

“Et tu, Brew Tray?” | Photo by Meritt Thomas on Unsplash

ShakesBeer

“To Thine Own Self Be Brew”

The Classics

A Winter’s Ale
Our winter ale. Don’t need to explain this one at all. What a slam dunk of a name.

A Winter’s Pale
Our pale ale. Yes, it’s referencing the same play as the one above. But these were the first two we came up with so we had to keep them. They’re both slam dunks.

A Midsummer Night’s Cream
Our cream ale. It’s not whatever else you think it might be.

Much Ado A-Stout Nothing
Our stout. Surprisingly light for how dark the themes are. Playful on the tongue, with a flavor profile that’s overly complicated for seemingly no real reason.

King Beer
Our lager. This is a pun on King Lear. We were about to call it “The Tragedy of King Beer” but then felt that was underselling how good it is.

The Hoppy Brews

The Taming of the Brew
Our session IPA. It doesn’t age well, so we made it a session.

Romeo and Brew-liet
Our most popular IPA. Simple. To the point. Made with two contrasting hops from farms that straight up hate each other. Two Brew Houses, Both Alike In Dignity.

Henry the Fourth Part Brew
Our double IPA. This one is STRONG. You go into this one thinking it’s going to be smart, but you end up spending way more time just hanging out with a drunk.

Henry the Sixth Part Brew
Our shitty IPA. It’s not good.

The Brew Gentlemen of Beer-ona
Our double dry hopped hazy IPA. Frivolous, but enjoyable. Double the puns, double the hops.

Further Drinking

Brevity Is The Soul Of Wit-Bier
Our hefeweizen. This one is admittedly a bit of a stretch. And ironically, the longest name we have on the menu.

Pinsner
Our pilsner. But before you drink it the bartender has to read that opening card from Hamnet about how “n’s” and “l’s” are interchangeable. Because that was incredibly relevant to the movie, and not a scenario where we were like… “yeah, we get it.”

Twelfth Flight
Not sure what to get? Try a flight! We only serve them in 12, because of the pun. Get ready to get sloshed.

Henry the Fifth
Straight up, this is a fifth of vodka.

Last Week’s Runs

Tuesday 05/12 - 3.21 Miles, 8:41/Mile

Right. This is supposed to be a substack about running. Deal with it. My first run after the half in Solvang. Three loops around Echo Park at a very decent clip. I was pushing myself a bit too hard, I think, after the great run in Solvang, but the mental boost was astronomical.

Thursday 05/14 - 3.11 Miles, 8:59/Mile

I didn’t purposefully slow down today, but I might have told myself I did. I think my race was catching up with me and I needed to take it a bit easy. Regardless, got the mileage in that I was hoping for.

Friday 05/15 - 2.01 Miles, 8:52/Mile
Fucking WOOF. I woke up super early this morning to get some writing done before Bruce woke up, and in doing so ended up drinking two large cups of black coffee before this run. Right before I head out I recognized this and ate some yogurt so I’d have something in my stomach, but it was too little too late. At about 1.75 miles I started sweating BAD, with nothing in my system, burning purely caffeine. I was hoping to do 3 miles today, but this was pushing myself too hard even without the coffee. So I called it at 2 miles, and walked the rest of the way home.

Sunday 05/17 - 7.00 Miles, 9:35/Mile

First long run since the half, and it was a nice up and down on the LA River. Perfect weather, at a good pace. Don and I were wondering why we were feeling so beat after just seven miles and then we realized we were cooking… typically we’re around 10 minute miles for these long slow runs, but for whatever reason we were on a heater. Only real downside was I got back to my car and my usual Sunday morning coffee shop wasn’t going to open for fifteen minutes, so I just went home. I love a huge mocha after a run. And Black Elephant has an incredible Mexican Mocha. Alas. It was black coffee for me.